Manners in a Dojo

Although most dojos have a list of rule of etiquette for their dojo, I wanted to put up something broader reaching then just a list of do's and don'ts.  Certainly, the list of physical acts is vital to how an Aikido dojo works, but there is more to it then just that. There are rules of behavior that we were taught as children, but that somehow we forget as we get older. I realize that this might seem too parochial for most, but to me it underscores much of what we do. 

If you go to a dojo for the first time, introduce yourself to the instructor and ask if it's okay to watch a class or to participate. Follow along the best you can, remember to be humble at all times, and then after class be sure to say thank you to the instructor for letting you train. 

Although most dojos have a mat fee prearranged, other's don't. However, just because there isn't a mat fee per se, does not me that you shouldn't make a donation or in some way contribute to the dojo. My standard is $20 per day when I train at another dojo, but I realize that it's different for everyone. The point is, that even if they say there is no mat fee, you should still do your best to make a donation to the dojo. This is just polite, this reveals your good intention and your understanding and appreciation for both Aikido and for the dojo. Aikido schools don't always run like a western business, so sometimes we have to think more on a personal level. 

Remember that the instructor of the school is a human being, and responds to the same things all human beings respond to. My teacher use to get very upset because every time he came into the dojo no one would say hello to him.  Everyone would just hide their eyes and pretend like he wasn't there. I understand that they did this because so many of us held him in such high regard, but to hold someone in such high esteem that you're actually rude to them makes no sense at all. It's great to value your teacher and respect your teacher, but not at the cost of some very basic social conventions. Say hello, say good bye, and say thank you; all fairly reasonable stuff. 

When you go into a dojo and the instructor comes out to meet you, be sure to stand up.  Standing up, saying hello and introducing your self are social standards that transcend either wester or eastern conventions. Perhaps several hundred years ago it would be more polite to do a kneeling bow, but today that doesn't really work. In the west we tend to shake hands with people we meet for the first time; am I saying something new? 

I say much of this because this is what I have experienced at my dojo. To be totally honest with you, social conventions have never been that high on my list of things to do, but now seeing them from the other side I'm starting to see why they are there. It does reveal something about a person's character how they greet you, how they present themselves, and how aware they are of being socially civil. I realize that this makes me wildly old fashioned, but on some level I guess I like social conventions. This certainly isn't only at Aikido schools, but I've noticed this complete lack of civility in regular life. 

On a fairly regular basis I hold a door open for someone and they don't say anything at all. I often wonder about this. For me, and maybe I'm too sensitive to these things, if someone pauses even for a second to hold a door open for me I'm hugely grateful and take a moment to say so. I don't scrape their feet, I say thank you, but so many of us don't do this.  It's clear that we have stopped teaching our selves, and therefore our children, what it means to behave well. This just one example in many that demonstrate how crude, in a way, we have become. We have let ourselves become uncivilized in many, many ways and this shows up in real time in our daily lives. 

I don't mean to suggest that stifling social codes and mores are a great thing either, but why throw the baby out with the bath water? Can't we maintain social conventions without becoming oppressive or repressive? In my dojo there are many rules of behavior and conduct, but in no way do they repress the creative process of Aikido.  It is certainly not individualistic in the sense that everyone gets to interpret civility in their own way, but at the same time it isn't communistic in the sense they everyone must express themselves exactly the same way.  The dojo is both free and controlled, open and confined, regulated and infinitely interpretable and this, to me, makes a good social system. 

The point is, exercise good manners in the dojo.